Back ♥ Home = happy place (physically & mentally)
Bridges = help us get there
There wasn’t a particular flavor of Kool-Aid I liked the best.
I drank them all.
I began acquiring a taste for it on our very First Date.
We sat in a Pub near the college campus, dining on pizza, and I listened sympathetically to your Life-story.
As I was pouring myself some beer from the pitcher we shared… little did I know, I was actually filling my glass to the brim with Kool-Aid.
It all started so innocently.
Your stories pulled deeply on my heartstrings.
You spoke of the financial hardships of growing-up in a big family
(even though, years later I’d learn your definition of “hardships” could be conceived as a “luxury” by many).
You matter-of-factly described how you were a victim of being raised in a stoic home, with little emotion or expression of love or affection.
You explained how this caused deep emotional scars in your 5 siblings… then, humbly boasted how you were able to rise above it all.
I felt so sorry for you, I literally felt my heart break into pieces.
In blaring contrast, I’d been raised on the opposite end of the spectrum, in an overly emotional home. My family hugged & kissed to the point of possible suffocation.
I wanted to jump out of my seat, smother you in hugs & kisses and make everything better.
As the night went on, you told more and more stories and I drank more and more Kool-Aid.
So, when the bill came and you realized you had forgotten your wallet, I couldn’t reach into my purse fast enough.
I wanted to save you from feeling any more pain… any embarrassment or humiliation.
(l didn’t realize, you were incapable of feeling such emotions)
That night our bond was formed right there and then.
We were perfect for eachother.
I wanted to nurture you and fix everything.
And you were more than willing to have someone take over all the duties & responsibilities of making your day-to-day life as comfortable as possible.
It was a match made in heaven, we were married within 18-months…
and started our family.
As the years passed, I became really good at pouring glasses full of Kool-Aid for friends… family… and even our own kids.
If anyone noticed your detached or self-absorbed traits… I was quick with an excuse or explanation to rationalize your behavior.
Because if I didn’t protect you, then I would risk exposing our family was a sham. Or worse, I would have to admit that I had failed to fix anything.
Behind closed doors, it was all about you; your physical needs, your need to win and the kids and I only mattered when we somehow enhanced your personal gain.
The more financially successful we became… the more you were obsessed with your looks and fancy toys…
And again, the kids and I only seemed to matter when you could “show others” the lavish lifestyle you provided for us.
You were so emotionally distant, you weren’t even in our same galaxy. And you couldn’t understand why that was a problem…
“After all, look at the luxurious lifestyle you provided. Why would anyone need more??”
Truth is, we probably would have lived in our make-pretend “Happily-Ever-After” forever…
If you hadn’t met that “someone” on a business trip in Montreal and asked for a divorce.
It wasn’t until our divorce when I learned the extent of the damage you could leave in your wake. The depth of darkness and pain you could cause in our lives.
I thought avoiding a court battle and simply agreeing to all your demands would result in a quick and drama free divorce…
It took only 3 Months to end a 24 Year marriage.
I had no idea you would continuously drag me through the Family Court System FOR YEARS…
Its been 8 years and you just filed another petition!!!
And even though it only wastes the Courts valuable time & resources, causes unnecessary stress and deeply affects our children…
You. Just. Wont. Stop.
You. Just. Wont. Move. On.
You have an insatiable need to take more and more from me. In your mind you have justified unspeakable court-actions against me.
You have an insatiable need to manipulate the Courts to get what you want. The legal arena has become your obsession… your personal platform… and boy do you love that stage!!
Karyl McBride writes:
The narcissist will continue to try to blame their partner and harm their partner. They do it by these long, extended, contentious divorce cases that cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. We need more education for professionals in the divorce field so that the custody evaluators and family law people and therapists know what they’re dealing with. They also can be seduced by the narcissist.
One of the saddest days of my life was in a courtroom, when I saw you lie so convincingly (under oath!!!) without even flinching.
You were always so good at it… cunningly spinning your lies around a kernel of truth.
A master of manipulation, to the point where, you can make everyone question their understanding of the truth.
It was finally, at that moment, when I could no longer deny, who you were.
There was no more Kool-Aid to provide the “Ignorance of Illusion”.
On the drive home from the courthouse that day, I had to face the fact,
because I chose you to be the father of my children…
they would face a lifetime of pain.
The guilt was more than I could bare…
my heart was shattered & I wept openly for them.
It was a time of deep guilt and painful mourning, but it eventually gave rise to clarity.
You will never change or listen to reason, and are only capable of causing disappointment, frustration and pain for us…
if we have some freedom from the bondage of your manipulation….
then we have a chance at real happiness.
Similar to the 1999 movie The Matrix, I had faced the choice of
The Blue Pill– remaining in a fabricated, fantasy world
The Red Pill– living the painful, difficult life of reality.
Real healing can only start when we can expose (and accept) what we’re dealing with… because,
only an Authentic Life is truly worth living.
. Click on this link below…
The truth will be your Bridge Back Home ♥