Monthly Archives: May 2016

In The Moment…

In The Moment…

Welcome Back!

Back  Home = happy place (physically & mentally)

Bridges = help us get there

I don’t have anything to share today other than my desire to be in the moment.

My fingers won’t be tapping away at my keyboard, they’ll be digging in the dirt!!

Today the sun is shinning, the birds are chirping, the breeze is warm and I am simply grateful for the Blessing of Life.

I will plant my perennial garden and Give Thanks.

Because whether we perceive the changes and challenges in our life as  “good” or “bad”, everything we are given in life is a Blessing… sometimes it’s instantly clear… or it may take weeks or years to realize.

Sometimes we may never be fully aware of the blessing and sometimes our lives may be changed in a way we may never “see” as a blessing.

So, take a walk  Back  Home today if you can…

Breathe in the Sweetness of Nature, hear only the Song of your Surroundings, feel the Warmth of the Sun on your face…the Soft Breeze upon your skin and know in your Heart, everything happens for a reason and…

we all rest in the Palm of His Hand.

FullSizeRender (8)Which Photo Did You Connect With…

What Touched You???  

 

 

I recently wrote a piece on why today’s Teens (Generation Z) have a reputation for being:

Lazy

Self-Entitled

Apathetic

Spoiled Rotten.

 

I will admit there are some teens that defy this pathetic reputation.  Thank goodness we still have teens being inducted into the ranks of Eagle Scout, The National Honor Society, etc…

Someone’s gonna have to sign our SS checks in 10+ years.  

These hard working, volunteering, high achieving, scholarship winning, stellar athlete, good-grade getting teens are out there.  I see their parents proudly posting their achievements on FB everyday!!  

And how does this happen… ???… was the kid just born that way...???… was it Healthy Neglect on the part of the parents…???… Fate…???… Luck…???… All the above?!?!

 

But what about today’s Spoiled-Brat-Teens??

Well…I blame their Parents:  

The Parents who were born on The Baby Boomer & Generation X Cusp.  

Known for great success in educational, financial and social arenas.  

Portrayed as a powerful generation of optimism, and high, over–achievement.

(of which I am a guilty member)

 

We were given all the resources to be perfect parents and successfully raise the perfect kid.

We just can’t bear to see our children fail.  

We’ll do anything to save our children from experiencing the pain, discomfort or direct consequences of their bad choices.  Because that may indicate we were bad parents!!! (Gasp!!!)  So, we Over-Parent!!!!!

 

Are we helping… or hurting??

Them    = hurting

Us         = hurting

Society = hurting

 

Gen. Z is going to be running this country one day.  A scary thought??  Damn right!!

And if they have a fighting chance of changing their flawed character and bad reputation…

the change is going to have to start with us, The Parents.

 

 LET’S EXAMINE TWO EXAMPLES WHERE CHANGE CAN START :

                                                                                         1.  Parental Portal

                                                                                        2.  Home Chores (next Blog)

 

Parent Portal  

The Parent Portal is defined as a tool for parents to stay informed and engaged in their child’s education.

Teachers post EVERYTHING on the Parent Portal: from grades to their daily lecture notes.

So, at any minute, The Parent can have access to a virtual seat right in their child’s classroom.

Is this a good or a bad thing???

Elementary School = good

Middle School = possibly good

High School = BAD!!!

 

Don’t get me wrong, I can understand the importance of parental involvement in their child’s academic development.

BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET”S HOPE BY HIGH SCHOOL WE CAN STOP HOLDING THEIR HAND!

(Yet how many parents are going to feel responsible for filling out those College Applications……????)

 

This September I attended an Open House for my youngest child…

who is a junior in high school  and every single teacher gave the same speech.

They encouraged us to check the Parent Portal “regularly” (daily), so we could help our kids remember their daily homework assignments, exam dates, project deadlines, etc…

They reminded us their lecture notes were also posted, so we could help our teens understand the subject matter if necessary.  

I jotted down their recommendations “word-for-word” like all of the other high achieving dutiful parents at Open House and finally I just wanted to scream: “EXCUSE ME…… ARE YOU KIDDING?!?!?”

I AM THE PARENT… NOT THE STUDENT!!!

Been there…did that.  Got the T-shirt AND the Diploma… On my own, Thank You Very Much!!!

My day is pretty busy as it is, and I certainly DO NOT have time to micro-manage my teen’s school day.

 

So, why do High School teachers feel it is the Parent’s responsibility for their student to succeed????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Why is the  “Student”  disappearing from this picture??????????????????????????

Teacher <——>  Student  <—–> Parent

 

We have no one to blame but ourselves!!! 

Beginning in Elementary school,  we conditioned our kids and the school system, to count on us to Save The Day!  

 

For example:

Remember the Sugar Cube Igloo our kid had weeks to complete that was built the Sunday night before its due date, with an architectural structure worthy of our mechanical engineering degree.

Same goes for the authentic Iroquois Longhouse complete with working fire-pit… the essay on Amelia Earhart and the book report & diorama on Moby Dick…

God-forbid the kid suffer the consequences of having zero interest or followthrough in completing their school projects… mom &/or dad will swoop in at the last minute and make sure the kid arrives to school Monday morning with a finished product worthy of an A+.

Problem:  By high school these coddled kids, (who have never suffered the consequences of their bad decisions) are… Lazy and Apathetic.

Cause: The Parent believes it is their responsibility to guarantee their kid is a successful student, ultimately proving they’re successful at parenting.  

Solution:  STOP!!!  Let them Fail.

 

We may ALL have to experience the discomfort of growing pains during the process of change…

but in the end it will be well worth it!!  

Honestly, our future depends on it!!

hsteacher

LET’S STOP TRYING TO SAVE OUR KIDS FROM THE PAIN OF THEIR OWN BAD DECISIONS….

When we back down, teacher’s can then start to hold the students solely responsible for their own choices!!!

Have you heard of this latest powerful Addiction??? I’m Hooked!!!

Have you heard of this latest powerful Addiction??? I’m Hooked!!!

Welcome Back!

Back  Home = happy place (physically & mentally)

Bridges = help us get there

 

I officially lost all self-control this weekend. And to be honest, it kinda scared the sh*t out of me.

 

Luckily, I was home alone, so there was no one else privy to my pathetic behavior, except my dog Charlie… who I now have tremendous respect for, seeing he had to endure the plight of my Freefall.

 

It all started quite innocently, early Saturday morning, when I had some free time on my hands.

 

You see… like many people lately…I have found myself in my car, singing loudly (o.k., VERY loudly) along to Adele’s new hit “Hello streaming on my satellite radio.

 

So, I decided to see what all the fuss was about with her new studio album “25”.  

After a quick Google search, I found a clip of her performing on Ellen. I skipped the commercial on Moderate to Severe Plaque Psoriasis, and within 3 seconds Adele started to belt out her song, “All I Ask”.  

 

Suddenly, something inside of me snapped, and I. Could. Not. Get. Enough!

I quickly adjusted the Volume to MAX!

I don’t do drugs, never have… But, I would assume the reaction I was experiencing was something similar to an addict on Crack.

 

I pulled up the lyrics on my iPhone and started to sing along.   Because there are people who have actually heard me sing…I should be completely honest; my singing is actually more accurately described as caterwauling. 

I quickly lost all self-control (along with any remaining self-respect) and began “singing” along with Adele at the Top. Of. My. Lungs. while trying to simultaneously emulate her fluid hand movements.  

I was completely captivated.

 

Have you seen or heard this woman perform??? She pulls you in gracefully……. But, with the force of a freaken’ tornado.  I was down-right powerless over her magnetic charisma.

 

The second the song ended, I’d immediately restart it from the beginning without skipping a beat.  It became a purely involuntary,reflexive response… an automatic reaction.  It was basically an out of body experience and I just went with it.  

 

I’m not even completely sure how many times the song looped.  I was caught up in this potent cocktail of Adele’s most UNbelievable voice, accompanied by my out-of-control caterwauling.  And the crazy thing was: it Worked!  

It was Sensational… Beautiful… Epic… Powerful!  

(Although, I’m not quite sure if Charlie would agree.)

 

Those Lyrics…That Melody…. Her Voice…. All The Passion… it triggered something deep inside me.  I was swirling in a watercolour pool of melancholy memories spiraling through my mind; first loves, heartbreak, childhood, hopes, dreams & losses. It was an unstoppable cascade of thoughts and raw emotion!

 

As I sang out every lyric with all my heart and soul, I felt EMPOWERED… it was like I possessed a surreal and spiritual strength.  I felt like I could accomplish anything… like I was superhuman…simply unstoppable.

I possibly might have felt, at that point, like I could actually Fly… (weird…i know)…. but frighteningly accurate.

 

Suddenly, I was transported back in time. Lost. In. The. Power. Of. Music.

Trying to memorize each powerful word in a deeply, heartrending song.  I hadn’t felt this way since I was a schoolgirl spinning the BeeGee’s 45s on my bedroom record player.  

 

WoW, I was completely mesmerized by Adele’s performance.  

I did have a moment of consciousness… just long enough, to find yet another stunning performance online.  This one was Adele singing her song “One Million Years” Live on the Today Show.  And she sucked me right back in and captivated my attention for what was now turning into quite the Adele Marathon…minutes effortlessly turned into hours.  

 

Finally, hunger pangs reminded me the day was slipping by and I should probably get some nourishment in food-form.  I forced myself to temporarily breakaway from my laptop long enough to make a quick sandwich.  

 

At my age, it is profoundly embarrassing to admit I am this STARSTRUCK by a recording artist!!  

 

However, I am happy to report… I was able to pull myself together after lunch, turnoff my laptop, and get on with my day.  (Okay, I may have indulged in just a few more Youtube singalongs with my newly discovered Girlcrush)

 

I guess I just need to say…  “Hello”, It’s me.  My name is Loriyn, and I am an Adele-a-holic.”

 

See for yourself!!!

 

 

 

Facing Mother’s Day with a Broken Heart

Facing Mother’s Day with a Broken Heart

Welcome Back!

Back ? Home = happy place (physically & mentally)

Bridges = help us get there

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There I was, minding my own business in the Pasta aisle at Walmart, deciding between Vermicelli and Capellini, when I experienced the creepiest encounter ever… like a visit from the Ghost of Christmas Past.

 

I heard her behind me. And before I even saw her, I was transported 17 years back in time.

She was desperately trying to soothe her fussy infant in the grocery cart as her 10 and 4 year old were peppering her with non-stop questions, requests, demands and poking each-other.

 

She looked exhausted… Physically, Mentally and Emotionally.

There was a spit-up stain on her shoulder and yesterday’s mascara was faintly noticeable… adding a deeper shade to her already dark circles.

 

Our eyes met and communicated the words we didn’t need to speak.

I so badly wanted to validate her pain, so I smiled gently and softly said:

“It’s hard”.

And that’s when this poor young mother lost it.

 

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she choked out the words…

“It’s SO HARD.  

I wish my husband realized just how hard it is.  

But he’s never home!  

He works late hours, so I can stay home with the kids… and I never get a break!  

I’m totally drained……..

It’s just SO HARD!”

 

And then she looked at her kids who were obviously her pride and joy and as she wiped away her tears she smiled and said…

“But, it’s worth it… It won’t ALWAYS be this hard… when they grow up it’ll be much easier”.

 

And that’s when I lost it, and as tears streamed down my cheeks, I choked back the words I wanted to say and turned away so she couldn’t see my reaction.  As I stared at boxes of pasta through blurry tears, I felt an empty pain deep in my heart .

 

I wanted to tell her… “Oh my dear, you have no idea just how much harder it can get. Years after you’ve given Everything there is to give, your husband just may happen to come home after “that business trip” or “working late” one night and ask you for a divorce.  

 

He will walk away with his high paying job, executive level earning power and retirement fund, while you walk away with the job description of ‘Housewife and Mom’ added to your resume.

 

And then he just may drag you through the family court system for years, constantly trying to negotiate paying less and less in child support until he manipulates the legal system to eventually pay you nothing at all… and along the way he’ll cause you to pay thousands and thousands in lawyer fees.

 

Then just when you thought your heart couldn’t break anymore… Your kids will see you as the Crabby Complainer and their dad (who, by the way, was busy “working late” their whole childhood) as the go-to parent. He’ll hold all the cards, and bribe them with promises of buying them a car when they turn 16….and…

 

And when your teenage daughter strikes the final blow, by telling you she’d rather live with her dad because you’re barely scraping by and he can easily afford to buy her whatever she wants… including a generous makeup and clothing allowance, you’ll wonder if it was really all worth it.

 

And then after living under his negative influence for a while, she’ll be blinded by the illusion of his spin on reality and there will only be a glimmer of your sweet little girl left behind. She will gladly align with him and forget who you are.

 

But, instead I chose to wipe away my tears and simply wished her a Happy Mother’s Day and she wished me the same.

 

Little did she know, this Sunday, my Mother’s Day will be far from anything I’d dreamed of or hoped for.

 

There are many moms who may not receive that Hallmark moment of recognition and gratitude from their children they long for.

 

There are many different reasons why this Mother’s Day may be filled with disappointment, heartache and sadness for many moms.

 

Remember, sometimes simply knowing you’re not alone makes it all much easier… along with a dish of delicious pasta and a nice bottle of red.

pain