Tag Archives: help

Spoiler Alert… (A Mother’s Prayers)

Spoiler Alert… (A Mother’s Prayers)

 

Welcome Back!

Back  Home = happy place (physically & mentally)

Bridges = help us get there

 

Spoiler Alert: This story has a Happy Ending!!

 

Someone posted the illustration below on FB the other day and it really hit home with me.    

Since having my three kids, I will admit I have never spent more time on my knees praying for their protection and well being.

FullSizeRender (11)

 

Even before I had kids, I always felt the most disturbing scene in a movie was when Shirley Maclaine’s character is pleading for pain medication for her dying daughter in Terms of Endearment.    

OMG, I can’t even post the actual clip here, because it literally tears my heart right out.

termsofendear4

The Fact is, when it comes to Our Children it seems

Worry and Love 

are synonymous and synergistic.  

Then again, I grew-up in a Sicilian/Spanish family, so I’m not sure if that increases the intensity of this synergistic effect.

♥ 

This all got me thinking about an important story in my life.

 

I delivered my third child, a daughter, the day before Thanksgiving.  It was my third C-section and this one was very complicated and difficult.  But, there were many reasons why she was my miracle baby.  

 

I remember every moment of her First Thanksgiving dinner…  

I was filled with gratitude as my precious baby girl and I snuggled together in our hospital bed.  She rested peacefully in my arms feasting on mama’s milk, while I looked forward to every delicious pump of my Morphine drip.    

 

And back home, my parents were having the full Thanksgiving dinner I had prearranged (from Wegman’s Catering) with my two young sons and husband (now, ex)… whom I will call “Hex”.

 

Before the family came to see us following their pumpkin pie dessert, in walked my favorite nurse to see how we were doing.  

I don’t remember her name, but I will call her: Madea because… She. Was. Madea.  

God, I LOVED her!!  She was AWESOME, Funny and Protective.  

 

On the day of my daughter’s delivery, Madea overheard Hex bragging about the important 10-day business trip to South Africa he’d be leaving for in less than a week, and how cool it was going to be…blah, blah, blah.  

 

This really ticked Madea off, and she confronted him about… this not being the time to leave his wife at home with a new baby and two other kids ???

 

Madea… Was. Not. A. Fan. Of. Hex. and she was not shy about her disdain.  Every time they ended up in the hospital room together, it was downright entertaining to see her behavior.  

 

The day we left the hospital,  I wish I had a tape recorder for the tongue-lashing she gave Hex.  It didn’t phase him one bit, but I stifled my laughter so many times, I almost popped my C-section staples.

 

My parents were going to stay and help me take care of everything when Hex was gone. I was having a particularly painful recovery and then one night (just 2 nights before Hex was supposed to leave) we noticed the baby had a fever.  

 

A fever at less than a week old requires a trip to the Emergency Room and I just about lost it.  

 

Hex, my dad and I took her in, and after some preliminary tests…  our fears were confirmed. Her fever was bacterial, and if she didn’t get IV antibiotics and the source of the infection quickly found… she could die.  At the very least she would be admitted to the hospital for a minimum of three days.

 

Well, (even though this diagnosis might not have been deserving of such a response) I’m pretty sure I was channeling Shirley Maclaine’s scene in Terms of Endearment as I was on the ER hallway payphone trying to explain what was going on to my mom.  

 

I would guess those viewing this conversation, may have thought everyone I had ever loved, had been wiped out in some horrific accident.

 

Even though it was 9:00 pm, my second phone call was to our priest who came right over and blessed our baby girl with holy water held in a hospital styrofoam cup.  

I will never forget how grateful I was for his presence during (what I believed to be) the worst moment of my life.

I silently prayed to God (as I had been doing from the moment that thermometer showed a fever) and suddenly,  I felt calm.

 

Sure, I was still worried to death, but I knew she was in the Palm of God’s Hand and I felt a sense of peace.

 

 

I told Hex he should probably call his boss and explain the situation.  He said, since my parents were already in town to help, he felt comfortable still leaving on his trip.  (over 8,000 MILES away from US!!!).  

 

I wanted to march right up to the Maternity Ward to see if Madea was on duty and bring her down to the ER with me, because I knew this was a fight I couldn’t deal with.  

Luckily, my dad who had been a tower of strength for me during this whole ordeal… suggested Hex just make the phone call to at least “inform” his boss about what was going on.

 

When Hex returned from making the phone call, he looked terribly disappointed.  

 

He said his boss told him… To. Stay. In. Town.  That his family needed him now, and the company would simply send someone else.    

 

I wasn’t sure if I was glad or sad with this new revelation because, as serious tests (like a spinal tap for god-sake!!!) were being performed on our little baby, it was obvious his mind was somewhere else.

 

It was after midnight when we were finally moved up into a private hospital room. My dad drove back home and Hex and I accompanied our baby.  

 

In the room there was one metal crib and two reclining chairs.  Hex took one look at that chair and immediately asked a cot be brought in for him because… He. Could. Not. Sleep. In. A. Chair.  

The kind (and now bewildered) nurse said, as soon as they got the baby settled… she would address his needs.

 

It was late.  I was still very sore post-C-op, and with tubes and wires now attached to our little baby, it made nursing her quite a challenge.  I’ll never forget… there was Hex, laying on his cot, with his blankets pulled up to his chin.  

 

And while I struggled to lean into her crib, so I could feed our baby… he asked me to “turn off the lights” as they were too bright and keeping him awake.

 

That night I asked him to go home in the morning and please send my mother to the hospital.  

 

For the next two nights, my mother helped me navigate every feeding… even in the middle of the night.  

And late one night, while watching a Christmas Special on TV, as my mom slept in the reclining chair next to mine and my baby girl was sleeping in her metal hospital crib…

I felt the peace of God and gratitude fill my heart.

 

 

 

It turned out my baby girl was very young to present with Kidney Re-flux.  She was on daily antibiotics for the first two years of her life and had a couple more hospital visits… but luckily outgrew the condition before she was three.

 

Even though this ending was a happy one… my heart tears apart for those parents who don’t get the happy ending they pray for.  But that… Is. A. Topic. For. A. Whole. Other. Blog!

 

The Bridges I used to get through this health scare with my daughter were:

  1. Pray

  2. Know who to ask for support

  3. Pray

 

Please share the Bridges you used to get you through similar situations…

 

PS… Hex left for South Africa on day three.

 

 

After The Good Times

After The Good Times

Welcome Back!

 

Back  Home = happy place (physically & mentally)

Bridges = help us get there

 

EVERYONE Loves a Good Time… a party, vacation, the HOLIDAYS!!!

 

And some of us have a hard time after the Good Time… when everyone’s gone home and all that’s left to do is clean-up the mess.

 

Christmas is my favorite!!  The world of fun and joy opens right up during the weeks before Christmas.  Our house is filled with the sound of non-stop Christmas carols,  the aroma of Ginger Snap cookies baking in the oven, colorfully wrapped presents under the tree,  twinkling lights, and simply beautiful holiday decorations all around.

 

The anticipation of The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year is sometimes more excitement than I
can bare.
And vacations are the best!!  But when we get back home, there’s usually a pile of mail and heaps and heaps of dirty laundry.  Truth is, it is much more fun to pack your suitcase for a vacation, rather than empty it after you’ve returned back home.
 
So, how can we best navigate the transition from the Good Time to Back Home?  What are some Bridges that can help us achieve a more pleasant, and smooth RE-ENTRY?

 

 
I personally struggle to find those answers.  I’m the girl that actually kept her Christmas tree up until mid-February one year.  I just couldn’t bare to see it end.  So right before Valentines Day, I finally Took Down Christmas and quickly redecorated the house with festive hearts and cupids.

 

 
One of my closest friends has her tree un-decorated and at the curb by Christmas night.  Everything Christmas is cleaned up and put away until next year, all in less than 24 hours after “down the chimney St. Nicholas came with abound.”  There’s not even a crumb of a Christmas cookie or a strand of tinsel left behind.

 

I also had a neighbor that put an (electric) “Candle” in each window during Christmas and kept them up (and lit in the evenings) until Easter.  I actually loved seeing the candle’s glow throughout the long winter and into the spring… I thought it was a very cozy, warm touch.

 

 Those are only some extreme examples of how people approach transitioning from the Good Times to Back Home. Everyone handles things differently… in their own way… everyone has their own comfort zone.  And it would appear a healthy, balanced approach to transitioning lies somewhere in-between the extremes.
 
Ever since I was a little girl, I always loved a Good Time when people were happy and having fun… so transition was never easy for me.  Therefore, I have been working hard to navigate a healthier approach to Re-entry and have discovered some helpful Bridges.

 

 Be Mindful when you are Preparing for the Good Time

 

It’s a lot of fun when it’s a family event opening up 10 storage boxes of Christmas decorations, and everyone wants to cut down the biggest tree in the forest and after we’ve all hung our favorite ornaments in just the right spot, begins the excitement of who’ll get the honor of placing the Star on top… all while festive Christmas carols play in the background.

Then it comes time to Take Down Christmas and no one is the least bit interested in helping.  So, there you’ll be… most likely all alone, with no “Jolly Old Saint Nick” serenading you in the background.  Also, remember, the size of the tree is directly proportionate to the endless amounts of pine needles you’ll be vacuuming up until June.

Therefore, be mindful as to what (and how much) you put up during the Holidays… because chances are, it will not be as much fun (nor will you have much help) taking it down.

That goes for packing for a vacation as well.  PACK LIGHT.  The experts say “Pack your suitcase with everything you think you’ll need…and then take half of it out.”

There will be less laundry to face when you return, and emptying your suitcase won’t feel like an overwhelming task if it’s not bursting at the seams.

 

Be Patient and Kind to Yourself

 

Don’t be too hard on yourself.  Give yourself a day or two (if you can) to readjust after the Good Time.  Once you’ve gotten your energy back and reacclimated… then set up a reasonable plan.  Decide on manageable tasks you can accomplish in a reasonable amount of time.  Once you start checking off these tasks, you’ll start feeling efficient and will easily build the momentum to complete RE-ENTRY.

 

Home Sweet Home

 

Even though I love a Good Time as much as anyone… there’s nothing like Home Sweet Home.  Routine is so soothing.  There is peace and comfort that comes when everything is back to our version of normal.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    My wise Spanish Grandmother had the perfect saying  about those

Good Times”

she always said:

“Noches Alegres, Mañana Triste”

 

 

 Please take a moment and share the Bridges you use for a smooth transition for the Good Times to Back Home in the comment section below.

 

Navigating a High Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist

Navigating a High Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist
Karyl McBride has written a guide for people trying to extract themselves from narcissistic relationships. Her book, “Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family,” is featured in this month’s Well Book Club.
Keep reading to learn more about narcissistic personality disorder, why it’s tough to divorce a narcissist and why long, drawn-out legal battles are a playground for narcissists.

 

Unfortunately, I personally know this can be a never-ending journey.

As it states in the article:
 
They seek revenge, and the court system is an incredibly great platform for a narcissist. That’s where they can just continue the battle with the partner and continue to seek revenge, and that’s what happens.

 

I have endured Seven LONG Years, facing law suit after law suit and have truly lost faith in our Family Court System.

As it states in the article:

 

The narcissist will continue to try to blame their partner and harm their partner. They do it by these long, extended, contentious divorce cases that cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. We need more education for professionals in the divorce field so that the custody evaluators and family law people and therapists know what they’re dealing with. They also can be seduced by the narcissist.

 

In the end the true victims are always the children.

And my heart will forever be broken for my own children. 

But that’s a story for a another time.  

 

 

HERE’S THE LINK:

Divorcing a Narsissist

 

 

Hellllloooooo……

Hellllloooooo……

Welcome to Bridges Back Home!!!!

My name is Lorilyn Bridges and I started this blog,  FB page and website to help people.

 

Life is forever changing. 

Changes = Challenges

 

These changes can be big or small, made by us or for us…

Controlled by us, others, or nature/climate and they can happen randomly.

 

Life is one amazing and wild ride.  Our journey is filled with many hills and valleys.  

 And the good news is we’re all in it together.

 

Back  Home = happy place (physically & mentally)

Bridges = help us get there

 

Identify your Back Home and the Bridges you use to get there!!

 

At BBH we are a community where you can celebrate your successes and failures, to help others along the way.  

And hopefully be enlightened as well!!

 

Welcome aboard!!

 Lorilyn